THE REPARENTING BLUEPRINT

BRIEF EXCERPTS FROM THE REPARENTING BLUEPRINT

 

Unconditional love may be the last thing a killer deserves. What about the first thing?
What if he’d been joyously clasped to the bosom of love as a baby and never let go?
It’s hard to conceive of a point where the world would be better off with him dead. [p. 4]

Without the presence of love we build a prison for ourselves and throw away the key. The greatest songwriting duo of all time wasn’t kidding. Please lock me away, and don’t allow the day, here inside, where I hide, with my loneliness. I don’t care what they say, I won’t stay in a world without love. [p. 6]

The decision not to stay in a loveless world is one we literally make, when thrust into a world that doesn’t see or hear us, doesn’t attend to our needs, doesn’t celebrate us for the precious beings we are. And we have myriad strategies for not being present, including emptying our hearts, armoring our bodies and taking refuge in our heads. [p. 7]

Love is the candle over which we hold the invisible script of our life to read it. [p. 10]

What makes people tick are ticking time bombs of emotional pain. [p. 15]

How can any profession have a monopoly on a function as basic to our humanity as empathy and love…A Guatemalan peasant fresh off the boat can be more maternal than a Harvard-trained psychiatrist. [p. 22]

Therapy is remedial love, making up for deficits in our birthright of mothering/fathering. [p. 26]

Suffering comes not from attachment to our desires but from detachment from our needs. [p. 51]

Think of how far the art of moviemaking would have been set back if the fetish for the strong silent type had ruled out the development of talking pictures. [p. 73]

We cannot have loving relationships until we agree to share custody of our inner child. [p. 84]

Relationships wouldn’t be such minefields if we mined our childhood pain. They’d be fields of gold. [p. 89]

We’re all strays looking to be rescued and taken into a good home…But if no one comes to our rescue, we’re like dogs in the pound for whom no one ever comes. We euthanize our feelings. We put ourselves down. [pp. 97-98]

Technology can build bridges across any river and bay, but only love can ensure that people won’t jump off them and drown. [p 125]

The great unacknowledged flaw of democracy is that it is not possible to represent people until they are first and foremost present to themselves. [p. 149]

All the evils in the world come about because the mindset that created the problem is the same one used to resolve it. The penal system is child abuse by other means. [p. 171]

If flowering plants were nipped in the bud as often as we’re told to nip our feelings in the bud, earth would be as barren as Mars. [p. 174]

Not wanting to have a child is code for not being wanted as a child. [p. 217]

People who don’t want children have already had their fill of them in the form of needy parents and love-starved siblings. [p. 219]

If justice is ever to balance the scales, it won’t be by throwing the book at perpetrators. It will be by opening the secret book of their life history to discover enough sorrow and suffering to disarm all hostility. [p. 233]

It all comes down to getting others to feel our pain. Others can choose to co-suffer with us in a sympathetic bond. Or suffer for us in a pathological bondage. [p. 253]

Being bigger than our children doesn’t automatically confer on us the wisdom and forbearance to be the bigger person. [p. 257]

Do we really hope to deter a child of wrath who threatens to upset the domestic order by conjuring up a wrathful Father who wrecks the cosmic order? [p. 291]

Ever since a comet smashed into the face of earth, we are ready to solve our problems by smashing a fist into each other’s faces. [p. 298]

The problem of world poverty will never be solved as long as it is left in the hands of those for whom world greed is the solution. [p. 309]

The only way to fit into this system is through cutthroat competition and strife – and the only way to break out of it is through internecine war and chaos! That’s what we are left with in the end – a Hobson’s choice between Hobbesian conceits. [p. 379]

Our method of saving ourselves from those who disrupt the social order is to put our faith in leaders who amass the means to destroys the terrestrial order. [p. 299]

Forget about random acts of kindness. We methodically plan and massively organize and meticulously coordinate acts of kindness that spread like wildfire from community to community, country to country, until they completely overwhelm a power structure based on violence and fear. [p. 398]