The world has been organizing human beings to kill each other for ages.
It’s time to start organizing ourselves to love each other.
No one has an inborn need to prey on their kind.
If we are born needing anything, it is our birthright of unconditional love.

Had we gotten that birthright from our parents, the world would be a happier place.
Since we didn’t, we have to go back and make up for it.
Fail in math and you take a class in remedial math.
Fall behind in your quota of unconditional love, and you catch up with a course in reparenting.

The Reparenting Blueprint lays out a step-by-step blueprint of reparenting.
One by one, we pair up wherever we are.
We take turns exchanging the greatest gift of all – the gift of unconditional love.
We learn a few basic rules and find out how simple it is.
Each one of us gets to experience what it’s like to be seen and heard by at least one person.
That way none of us has to make others feel what it’s like to be forgotten or ignored.
Each one of us is helped to get in touch with how much we suffer from not being loved.
That way none of us has to make others suffer to show how much it hurts to be unloved.

By creating ever-widening circles to release the pain trapped in us
we don’t have to go on being trapped in generational cycles of abuse.
We make it progressively safer to dismantle our defenses,
deepen our heart connections, and discover we are all one and the same.
And so naturally we lose the compulsion to overpower and control
and set loose the revolutionary impulse for the human race to fall in love with itself.

Reparenting as The Face of Love

In the climactic scene in Dead Man Walking (1995), Sister Helen Prejean says to the convicted murderer who is about to be executed. “I want the last face you see in this world to be the face of love. So you look at me when they do this thing. I’ll be the face of love for you.”

A touching gesture, you think. But what does it change? The condemned man still dies. The prison still stands. The logic of retribution still carries the day. So we ask, what can it do?

Here’s what.
It can focus compassion with a laser-like intensity that cuts through the prism of judgments that put a man to death in cold blood.
It can serve as a beacon of light in a dark world where a desperate man lost his way and wandered off the deep end.
It can lighten the bleakness and soften the harshness of his plight.
It can bring kindness and tenderness to an institution founded on the savagery of punishment and vengeance.
It can carve out a space of caring and solace in a world that decides that it no longer has any place for a human being.

The whole world may be out to get him, but here, in the sacred haven created by the face of love, we become conscious of another way to get him: through empathy, understanding and forgiveness.
Everywhere else the ugly conditionality of love is the rule. Not in this neck of the woods. We cannot undo the inevitability of death, but in a moment of tender silence we can pay our respects to dead men walking.

Unconditional love may be the last thing a killer deserves. What about the first thing? What if he’d been joyously clasped to the bosom of love as a baby and never let go. It’s hard to conceive of a point where the world would be better off with him dead.

The face of unconditional love is the centerpiece of parenting. It is also the pièce de résistance of reparenting. No surprise there. If we could show each other the face of love, the transfigurative effect wouldn’t be on death row inmates. It would be on ourselves. We would release our trauma and recover the freedom to naturally connect. We would follow our bliss instead of being dragged along like a chain gang, sentenced to life as the hardest of rows to hoe.

Trauma is recycled by the very mechanism that is designed to protect ourselves from it. The absence of love is so traumatic that we must deaden ourselves to survive. And by deadening ourselves we become cold and unfeeling to the point of perpetuating the absence of love.

Ponder that for a second. Cruelty and malevolence is not the handiwork of kind, empathic people. All the evil in the world comes of people being cold, callous, unfeeling. And why do people have to become that way? The answer is simple – it is to avoid the unbearable feeling of being unloved. So if we take out the middle part of the syllogism, what we are left with is this. All the evil in the world comes from avoiding the insufferable pain of being unloved. And so it stands to reason that in order to eliminate evil, we have to love people into feeling the pain of being unloved.

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ISBN: 978-0-578-60398-8